The Dangers of Being Human.

So the title puts forth a pretty broad topic. I'm not going to write about all of the dangers, that would take too long and never be finished. I'd have to write about everything from random happenstance, to the physical dangers we put ourselves in, to the dangers other people are to us emotionally, to the dangers we are to ourselves emotionally, to the dangers of ignorance and sin. (See, now you have something to think about. Being human is a risk. Sorry.)

Anyways, the dangers I'm going to write on right now are the type you'd normally expect to find here; the dangers of liking someone.

That's also a pretty broad topic.

This is going to be simple, like a checklist. In essence, the point I want to get across is that you should be careful. And I want you to question yourself by how you see others. It somewhat relates to this post. Think of it as a sort of continuation.

When we see people, and judge them by what we know in ourselves, it's not just tied to the bad stuff. Believe it or not, the human heart tends to look at things based on how it sees itself about... 87% of the time. (Also, 57% of all statistics are made up. Both the statistics you see here are such imaginary numbers. But they are general estimates. And the first one is fairly close to truth.)

When we dislike people, it's usually because we see things we hate about ourselves. But what about when we like people?

A lot of times, we like people because they are what we wish to see in ourselves. Meg likes Dave because he is outgoing, happy, and follows God with complete abandon. Meanwhile she is shy, sad, and can't seem to compel herself to do everything God wants her to do. Sure, Dave is cute and a really likeable guy, but Meg is being drawn to something that fills her lack.

It's not a bad thing, per say. It's how we were made. God completes us. The problem here is what the future for this relationship would be.

So let's play it out.

Meg dates Dave, and finds herself happy with him. But for some strange reason, she still feels sad, and she starts comparing herself to Dave. She still feels incomplete and like a failure. She wishes she could be like him.

She did before, of course. But this is different. Now she's dating him.

She starts to see everything that she hates about herself highlighted, because he lacks those qualities. It's like being full of darkness and dating a light. Suddenly you find your life illuminated, and all the dark things are blazingly obvious.

(You: But God is light...?)

Right. God is light, but he is the light of a fire as opposed to a reflection. If your heart is with God, then the darkness gets burned out of you. If your heart is with a reflection of God... Get my point?

It's not just limited to the Meg and Dave example, but those are the typical things we see that we want. Confidence. A good God relationship. Happiness. Selflessness. Even gifts of the spirit, such as prophecy. Leadership skills. Faith.

There is nothing that makes you feel quite as bad as someone who is more ______ than you are. Someone who you think is more faithful will kill you inside, if that's your focus.

Another thing that often happens in christian communities is everyone develops a crush on Z because Z burns brightly for God, and reflects the face of God in Z's own face. It's a longing for God, reaching out to whatever the closest thing is.

It's a longing for fulfillment, reaching out to whatever looks the most like fulfillment. But you can never get your own satisfaction out of someone else's completion. It's like listening to a song and admiring it. You can enjoy it, but you won't get the same out of it as the song writer. It hits your heart and moves you, but it doesn't mean the same thing to you.

So now you see both sides of the coin.

Judgement because we see what we hate about ourselves..
And judgement because we are always longing for something to fill that gap.

It's a dangerous thing to be, a weak empty human. And we know the answer. To gaze on God and to have an identity in Him.

But this is why relationships are dangerous, especially for someone younger. As a young adult, you are (usually...) just coming out of the identity you had under your family and developing an adult identity for yourself. It is not impossible to do this while in a relationship with another person. but your personal identity will Always be affected by who you date. It'll just be more affected when you "grow up" as opposed to after you've "grown up."

I'd like to say I am not hitting on anyone I know's relationships. I know plenty of successful young adult relationships. But so often, every relationship likes to compare itself to the successful examples. Failure is marked off and forgotten because that's what you're suppose dot do with failure.. Except people forget the part where you're supposed to learn something.

Everyone knows being in a relationship is dangerous, but we tend to look to the 10% who did well as our goal.

Not saying the goal shouldn't be successful. Simply be cautious, and prepare your heart before trying to attach it to someone else's. And also that if you have a crush on someone, take a step back and figure out why first. Make sure it isn't because they are what you aspire to be.

The optimal match is someone who is your equal. God said don't be uneqally yoked. This doesn't just mean don't date/marry a non-christian. This means find someone who is an appropriate maturity level. Someone you get along well with. Someone who both matches And balances you, instead of simply one or the other. Not your clone. Just... Your equal.

Make sense?
Awesome.
Doesn't make sense?
Doesn't surprise me. This post feels scattered. Tell me where it's fuzzy, and I'll fix it.

Grace and peace to you!

~Silver