Security in Who you Are (V-day 1)

(You: Kittens? Seriously?)

Yeah. Told you I would. 

The post actually had a point to it... We'll see over the next few posts if anyone got it. (This is a test of your observations skills. And your listening skills. Etc.)

But now onto more serious topics. (Well, ok, to me the last post was a very serious topic, all wrapped up in a silly little story...)

Valentine's day is coming up, and you're probably one of three people. You're either excited, because your person is awesome and you just know something awesome is gonna happen, Worried, because you don't know what's going on and you don't know if your person will be happy or not... Or you're like me and you're alone and you feel alone and this day is gonna suck.

(There are two other kinds of people, the kind who's others have died and the kind who are single but are ok with that. My condolences tot he first of those types. My congratulations to the second.)

If you are the first of the five people I just mentioned, awesome. This post isn't necessarily for you.

 If you are the second... Stay Here. We need to have a short talk.

If you are the last... I'm sorry. I feel you're pain. It is going to be ok, I promise. Someday, you and I won't have to go through this torture every year. Nobody ends up alone forever, unless they choose to be. I propose we spend the 14th finding all the other single people and giving them chocolate. Sound good? Great. Also, you can stay here too if you wish. This is off-handedly directed at you too.


So over the next few days leading up to V-Day, I'll be posting stuff about relationships. (This is my first ever post here. It's my favorite... Well, ok so a lot of them are my favorite. But anyways. If you haven't read it, you should. You should also pick through and read other things from that year, k? K.)

Today our post will be about insecurity in relationships. (You: Well now That doesn't sound judgmental at all...) You use your discretion. If to you, this post is entirely pointless, don't take offense. Just leave. Or send this to all of your friends. Or whatever.

Anyways. Moving on.

Sooo it's almost Valentine's day. You've done everything you can think of. You got him/her a card, and chocolate, and a teddy bear... You've made plans to go out and eat and see a movie. You know exactly what you're wearing. You know what your hair will do, what your make up will look like... Maybe you've even planned conversation.

Whatever.

You have this entire thing planned out perfectly, nothing is going to go wrong this year, it's going to be awesome and perfect and... And... What if... No.. Well... What if he/she hates it? What if something goes wrong? What if they're not happy?

What if you're not good enough?

(Or maybe you're single, and this is the only thing running through your head, as to why you're single.)

Let me start by saying that if you're afraid of not being good enough, you haven't been reading this blog at all. God made you, remember?

But all that aside...

Why wouldn't you be good enough? He/she is dating you, right? He/she clearly thinks you are the most amazing You there will every be. You've been told you're pretty. Stop worrying.

(Again, or you're single. Thought... Maybe you're last relationship died because you spent too much time convinced you weren't good enough that he/she couldn't love you? If that wasn't it, then clearly he/she wasn't good enough for you and is an idiot who was probably dropped as a child and is insecure therefore cannot keep you or anyone around because they are insecure and, well, stupid.)

Insecurities have no place in this day. Valentine's day should Never be a test of how much you and whoever love each other. The minute it becomes that you need to do one of two things. You need to either have a long talk with your person, Or. You need to take a step back, pray, and get some inner healing for rejection.

Who you are is not based on what your person thinks of you. It is not based on how well this day goes. There is some grace, I suppose, for if this is you and person's first Valentine's day together. If you've only been dating a month then ok, I can understand some insecurities. And I'm not saying you should be totally and completely unconcerned about what he/she thinks at all.

But spending a week worrying about it? Questioning whether he/she will break up with you? You are dooming your relationship to a short life of worry and pain. If you're doubting whether he/she is being honest when they say "I love you," then you really shouldn't even Be Dating.

Don't you know who you are?

Let's play compare for a second.

Once upon a time God wanted a bride for His Son, so He made you.

You.

Not some amazing angelic Thing.

He made YOU.

YOU, who YOU are, is more than good enough for God. It is so much more than good enough for God that His Son Died For You.
He stepped out of heaven, stepped out of glory, out of a place where if he wanted it, He could be eating a cloud sunday while choirs of sheep and dinosaurs sang to him... And then became this itty bitty dust-thing sleeping where farm animals eat. He was the poorest of the poor. A carpenter. Not anything wealthy or important.

You're afraid someone will never truly love you?
You're afraid you're not good enough?

God died for you, in a roundabout way. Jesus left the love of his father so he could take up all Your sins.

So if you're afraid you're not good enough for someone, please first throw it into this perspective.

Of course then we have the evil people who make everyone else feel like they're not good enough.

You've heard this before but please listen to me.

If. Your boyfriend or girlfriend. On a regular basis. Spends time making you feel inferior. Treats you like the dust of the earth. Compares you to people they think are better than you. Compares you to their ex all the time, who they clearly think are better than you. Manipulates you into doing things because that would make you more awesome...

Leave them.

They are insecure, and have made you feel the same so that they can keep you. They are afraid of losing you. They are using who you are and what you do as a basis for who they are and what they do. You are going to be miserable for a very long time if you don't fix it now.

No one has any right at all to define you unless they are defining you as God's. Anything else is a lie.

That's why your relationship with God is supposed to come first. Unless you really have what God says about you at your core, you're going to spend a lot of time being miserable and insecure and unhappy.

if valentine's day is a day of terror for you, you really need to question what's going on in your heart, and go to God with it and settle it.

Also, if you know a single person, make it a point on the 14th to give them a hug and a box of candy, k? :)

~Silver

Purity, week 1.

I don’t know how you feel about the Bible, but to me it’s pretty important. I mean, even if you don’t believe all the stuff in there you must admit a lot of it is true. I personally believe all of it is true.

Now, one of the things in the bible is this thing called purity. Forever ago, that meant keeping your speech clean, keeping your eyes from seeing… things… And waiting till marriage to do so much as hold hands. It meant having a standard. 

Over the years all that’s declined. (You: Thanks, captain obvious. I hadn’t noticed.) You’re quite welcome, private sarcasm.

Now purity basically just means no sex before you’re married. Some people still hold a standard of no kissing till then but the people that do that are fewer and fewer.

When did we lose the speech and seeing part of purity? Since when could we say whatever the carp we wanted about anything and be fine?

Since when did purity just pertain to sex, for that matter?

You’re probably rolling your eyes at me right now, but I am being perfectly serious. When did we trade our innocence for recklessness? Why did we trade our innocence for recklessness? What happened to self discipline and talking about stuff that actually matters?

Where the carp are our standards?

Now, I know I can’t bring them all back, and I know I can’t discuss (rant at…) all of them right now. So I’m picking one a week for as long as that lasts. Maybe the next 3 weeks? I dunno.

So right now I’ll just go with an over view, how all of them as a group are related, and then speech.

You see, I know plenty of guys who claim not to even think about, or even so much as look at, girls in a sexual way. Thing is, these same guys speak loosely, making jokes in that line of thought. As much as people like to deny it, they really do think about things they talk about. And joke about. Since joking is talking. Even if the thoughts are in the back of their heads.

I mean come on guys, we’re all human. If you know how you very basically work, you know how everyone very basically works. There are no exceptions. That’s where discipline comes in. You can’t claim to be disciplined in one area when you’re obviously not in the others.

And where people’s speech goes, their thought life follows.

And where their thoughts go, their actions follow. 

But speech has to come from somewhere. You don’t just start talking a certain way. When you’re a baby, you learn to talk from your parents. You talk like they talk. If you hang out with other little baby friends you pick up stuff from them. Why are three year olds always running around saying “No”? Because three year olds get told “No” a lot.

Then when kids get older they start learning to talk from things like tv. If they watch sesame street they might learn something. If they're watching Hannah Montana, chances are they’re gonna learn how to get an attitude with anyone who disagrees.

We, humans, learn from what we hear and what we see. We start as clean slates. We start as pure, happy little screaming babies. Tiny unexposed souls in tiny unexposed bodies. Life is scary. Everything is big. And as soon as we’re born we learn what life is from what’s going on. We don’t know anything. So if out world around us is bad and hates us, we will learn life is bad and we will hate ourselves.

Everyone knows this. And I’m starting to get off track.

The point is, what we see is what we do. And what we hear is what we say. And what we do and say we eventually have to think about even if we don’t notice our thoughts. And what we think about we tend to notice and see and then eventually even look for.

So let’s say you’re hanging out with a group of friends, and they don’t really care. They hate their families. They down-talk anyone and anything that bothers them in the slightest.

No matter how much you may love your other friends and your family, the more you hang out with this particular group the more you will become like them. Meaning, if you’re hanging out with them every day you will eventually see your family and other friends they way they see their families and other people. And you’ll start talking about it.

That is not pure.

(You: Wait but I thought purity was just like… Kissing and stuff. Right?)

No. Pure comes from the Latin purus, which means clean. Not chaste. Clean. Cussing is not clean, which is why it’s fun to do. Insulting other people is not clean. It’s dirty. It makes other people’s opinions of who you’re talking about dirty.

True purity does not soil how people are seen. True purity is clean. Clean is not dirt. So dirtying a reputation is obviously bad.

Now do you understand why not to gossip? It’s not just so you don’t hurt people. Gossip means dirt is pouring out in your words. Meaning that you are dirty. Making you a terrible, dirty person.

Purity does not talk about others behind their backs. Purity does not destroy people.

To be pure, to discipline yourself into being pure, start with your speech. Watch what you say. Don’t say stuff to other people just for shock factor or just for fun; your words will always be remembered by someone. Weigh your words as though they are your single most important accomplishment.

If your friends, who are your most prominent influences, hold no standards in their speech, mayhap you need a different group. Or to make a group commitment to watch your speech.

(Note: I will NEVER tell you to drop your friends. I am NOT telling you to abandon them or to tell them they suck or to just stop talking to them. If you feel like you need to do that then grace to you…)

If your family, also a prominent influence, holds no standards… Try talking to them, and if that doesn’t work I still haven’t figured it out. Pray for them I guess.

Controlling your speech is the hardest discipline to matter, but also one of the most important.

Trust me guys, you want to learn self discipline and/or follow the bible? Start with your words.

~ Silver

James 3:1-15 (New King James Version)

1 My brethren, let not many of you become teachers, knowing that we shall receive a stricter judgment. 2 For we all stumble in many things. If anyone does not stumble in words, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle the whole body. 3 We put bits in horses’ mouths that they may obey us, and we turn their whole body. 4 Look also at ships: although they are so large and are driven by fierce winds, they are turned by a very small rudder wherever the pilot desires. 5 Even so the tongue is a little member and boasts great things. See how great a forest a little fire kindles! 6 And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity. The tongue is so set among our members that it defiles the whole body, and sets on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire by hell. 7 For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and creature of the sea, is tamed and has been tamed by mankind. 8 But no man can tame the tongue. It is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison. 9 With it we bless our God and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in the similitude of God. 10 Out of the same mouth proceed blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not to be so. 11 Does a spring send forth fresh water and bitter from the same opening? 12 Can a fig tree, my brethren, bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Thus no spring yields both salt water and fresh.