Co-dependancy

So... This so happens to be a topic that's really close to me. For a lot of reasons. We won't get into that, however. But there is some literature that gets spread around, a lot, and everyone I know that's run into it has had their life unduly shattered because, while the information in the booklet is true, it is extreme by no means gentle.

So let's talk about co-dependancy. What does that even mean? Is it bad? Yes. But it isn't something that should sit on your head like a hat that's trying to kill you.

Co-Dependency, to put it simply, is when you are dependent on a relationship to define who you are.

Like, for instance, when you have a close friend and what she says or does changes what you say and do. She says she hates rap, so you accordingly delete all rap from your music library and pretend to hate it too. He says he hates skinny jeans, so you agree and quietly get rid of all your favorite pants.

She cancels plans to hang out, and all of a sudden your world has shattered. You don't know what to do any more. Your entire night has been ruined. You hang out with other friends, but it's just not the same. Even if she reschedules for later, you still feel rejected and alone.

This. Is not. Healthy.

Your life was never made to totally depend on someone else's.

Now, here's where we run into problems.

Listen to me very carefully right now.

You are not a terrible broken person. You are a human being. Human beings were created to depend on people. Thats why God made two of us.
The issue isn't that you are depending on something.
The issue is that you need to be depending on something uncreated, that is perfect and will not fail. The issue is that, while you do need friends and other relationships, you don't need to run around built into how you relate to them.

Your friendships should be defined by who you are, not the other way around.

The question being, how to undo this? How do you fix a relationship without tearing it to pieces?

For starters, you need to smack yourself in the face (Well, not really.) look yourself in a mirror, and tell yourself it's ok to be yourself. You are a person. You are allowed to have your own thoughts and opinions. You are allowed to be.

Then you need to spend some alone time. Just you and God. Just you, being you... With God.

Even if all you end up doing is going on an extendedly long drive, exploring everything in your city, radio blaring whatever you like to listen to. Scream the lyrics. Be happy. Enjoy yourself.


Did you know God enjoys himself? Cause He does. And you should too. Enjoy yourself, that is. I mean yeah, enjoy Him. But. Whatever. You get my point. 


If you can stop being whoever anyone else wants you to be, you'll be fine. Eventually it'll stop hurting to be you.
(if it keeps hurting to be you, you need help. I'm not just saying that. I mean it. Go find someone whom you respect and have them pray for you.)

Always keep in mind... Nothing can change you unless you let it. Unless you want it to. You can't even change you unless you let yourself. Unless you want to. You can't blame God for something that's totally on your head. He made you you, and He won't help you without your consent.

This is all slightly different if you find yourself depending on someone you're dating. what really doesn't help is if you and your person are always together, and if you kiss (A lot.....) and cuddle (A lot...). Things like that tie people to people. Which yeah, you want to be tied to the person you plan on marrying. That's the entire point of marrying them. But if you're tied in the sense that who you are depends on them.... If you're tied in the sense that you need them... That is the entirely wrong sort of bond.

What's even worse is if they've forced this on you. If they tied themselves to you first, or if they tied you to them, run. Break all ties, so to speak. There's not much saving that can happen with this. This is a dangerously bad relationship. This is the sort of thing that will kill you. Maybe no physically kill you... But it will kill you. (I should know... Trust me.)

Be safe.
Be YOU. Yourself. Entirely.
It's ok to be who you are.
Who you are is perfect and amazing.....
*Cheesy, kiddish voice* because God made you special! And He loves you very much!






~Silver