Security in Who you Are (V-day 1)

(You: Kittens? Seriously?)

Yeah. Told you I would. 

The post actually had a point to it... We'll see over the next few posts if anyone got it. (This is a test of your observations skills. And your listening skills. Etc.)

But now onto more serious topics. (Well, ok, to me the last post was a very serious topic, all wrapped up in a silly little story...)

Valentine's day is coming up, and you're probably one of three people. You're either excited, because your person is awesome and you just know something awesome is gonna happen, Worried, because you don't know what's going on and you don't know if your person will be happy or not... Or you're like me and you're alone and you feel alone and this day is gonna suck.

(There are two other kinds of people, the kind who's others have died and the kind who are single but are ok with that. My condolences tot he first of those types. My congratulations to the second.)

If you are the first of the five people I just mentioned, awesome. This post isn't necessarily for you.

 If you are the second... Stay Here. We need to have a short talk.

If you are the last... I'm sorry. I feel you're pain. It is going to be ok, I promise. Someday, you and I won't have to go through this torture every year. Nobody ends up alone forever, unless they choose to be. I propose we spend the 14th finding all the other single people and giving them chocolate. Sound good? Great. Also, you can stay here too if you wish. This is off-handedly directed at you too.


So over the next few days leading up to V-Day, I'll be posting stuff about relationships. (This is my first ever post here. It's my favorite... Well, ok so a lot of them are my favorite. But anyways. If you haven't read it, you should. You should also pick through and read other things from that year, k? K.)

Today our post will be about insecurity in relationships. (You: Well now That doesn't sound judgmental at all...) You use your discretion. If to you, this post is entirely pointless, don't take offense. Just leave. Or send this to all of your friends. Or whatever.

Anyways. Moving on.

Sooo it's almost Valentine's day. You've done everything you can think of. You got him/her a card, and chocolate, and a teddy bear... You've made plans to go out and eat and see a movie. You know exactly what you're wearing. You know what your hair will do, what your make up will look like... Maybe you've even planned conversation.

Whatever.

You have this entire thing planned out perfectly, nothing is going to go wrong this year, it's going to be awesome and perfect and... And... What if... No.. Well... What if he/she hates it? What if something goes wrong? What if they're not happy?

What if you're not good enough?

(Or maybe you're single, and this is the only thing running through your head, as to why you're single.)

Let me start by saying that if you're afraid of not being good enough, you haven't been reading this blog at all. God made you, remember?

But all that aside...

Why wouldn't you be good enough? He/she is dating you, right? He/she clearly thinks you are the most amazing You there will every be. You've been told you're pretty. Stop worrying.

(Again, or you're single. Thought... Maybe you're last relationship died because you spent too much time convinced you weren't good enough that he/she couldn't love you? If that wasn't it, then clearly he/she wasn't good enough for you and is an idiot who was probably dropped as a child and is insecure therefore cannot keep you or anyone around because they are insecure and, well, stupid.)

Insecurities have no place in this day. Valentine's day should Never be a test of how much you and whoever love each other. The minute it becomes that you need to do one of two things. You need to either have a long talk with your person, Or. You need to take a step back, pray, and get some inner healing for rejection.

Who you are is not based on what your person thinks of you. It is not based on how well this day goes. There is some grace, I suppose, for if this is you and person's first Valentine's day together. If you've only been dating a month then ok, I can understand some insecurities. And I'm not saying you should be totally and completely unconcerned about what he/she thinks at all.

But spending a week worrying about it? Questioning whether he/she will break up with you? You are dooming your relationship to a short life of worry and pain. If you're doubting whether he/she is being honest when they say "I love you," then you really shouldn't even Be Dating.

Don't you know who you are?

Let's play compare for a second.

Once upon a time God wanted a bride for His Son, so He made you.

You.

Not some amazing angelic Thing.

He made YOU.

YOU, who YOU are, is more than good enough for God. It is so much more than good enough for God that His Son Died For You.
He stepped out of heaven, stepped out of glory, out of a place where if he wanted it, He could be eating a cloud sunday while choirs of sheep and dinosaurs sang to him... And then became this itty bitty dust-thing sleeping where farm animals eat. He was the poorest of the poor. A carpenter. Not anything wealthy or important.

You're afraid someone will never truly love you?
You're afraid you're not good enough?

God died for you, in a roundabout way. Jesus left the love of his father so he could take up all Your sins.

So if you're afraid you're not good enough for someone, please first throw it into this perspective.

Of course then we have the evil people who make everyone else feel like they're not good enough.

You've heard this before but please listen to me.

If. Your boyfriend or girlfriend. On a regular basis. Spends time making you feel inferior. Treats you like the dust of the earth. Compares you to people they think are better than you. Compares you to their ex all the time, who they clearly think are better than you. Manipulates you into doing things because that would make you more awesome...

Leave them.

They are insecure, and have made you feel the same so that they can keep you. They are afraid of losing you. They are using who you are and what you do as a basis for who they are and what they do. You are going to be miserable for a very long time if you don't fix it now.

No one has any right at all to define you unless they are defining you as God's. Anything else is a lie.

That's why your relationship with God is supposed to come first. Unless you really have what God says about you at your core, you're going to spend a lot of time being miserable and insecure and unhappy.

if valentine's day is a day of terror for you, you really need to question what's going on in your heart, and go to God with it and settle it.

Also, if you know a single person, make it a point on the 14th to give them a hug and a box of candy, k? :)

~Silver

Told you I'd post about kittens....

One upon a time, Lenni and Gary adopted a kitten.

They played with it. They pet it. And... They fed it dog food. And vegetables. Mostly vegetables.

The kitten, who was not meant to eat vegetables, was sickly all of the time. But, Lenni and Gary just kept on with the train wreck of a carnivore diet. They told anyone who would listen about how healthy their cat really was.

And then the cat died.

Why did the poor kitten die?

Because no one commented on the failtastic diet that Lenni and Gary had put together.

The moral of the story?

Comment on Everything! EVERYTHING!!!
Do it for the kittens!

~Silver

You are Nothing.......... If you stand alone.

“Guess what?

You are not enough.

Why do you keep trying?

Give up. “

It’s true, what I said last time. (You need to read this post before you can read the one you're at now. It is imperative. Sorry.) [(... I'm not actually sorry. Go read it.)]

Yeah, so maybe the post was a little cruel sounding (You: A little cruel sounding? A Little, cruel sounding? You sick, sadistic human being…) Well, alright. So maybe a little more than a little harsh.

But why dance around it? It’s something we all hear, something we all feel.. Why pretend that isn’t an accusation on your heart?

If no one brings up the cruel things in life, all our problems will never be solved.

That’s my theory, anyways. (You: Well, your theory sucks.) Fine, I’ll write about kittens next time.

But until then, lemme finish up here. Last week’s post was not a meandering stab at your heart. 

We’ve all heard the saying, “The truth will set you free.” And we all know, it’s true. 

But context is everything.

If I were to look a girl in the eyes and say “You are beautiful,” she’d probably smile. It’d hit her heart a little, but not much. However, if a guy did the same thing, she’d probably blush a little and she’d feel it more. She’d believe it a little more. And if the guy she likes did the exact same thing, she’d be on cloud nine. She’d spend the rest of the day living off the emotions from that comment. 

One truth. Three reactions.

Now, take the phrase “You’re beautiful,” and put it into advertising. Stick it on the walls of Victoria’s Secret. Stick it in a shampoo commercial. Suddenly, this truth is a ploy. A lure. A trap of sorts. 

Give the phrase to a rapist (Or, you know, someone friendlier. A player maybe.) Now this truth is deadly.

The truth in and of itself is neutral. It’s how you use it that counts.

Now that we’ve settled that, let’s move on.

“You are not enough.” 

That’s another truth. Do you see where I’m going with this? When we hear this one, we immediately rebel against it. “No! I am enough!” we cry, desperately hoping to ease the pain we feel. 

And that’s exactly the reaction the enemy would want. I don’t talk about spirit stuff much. I mostly just lean towards God. But allow me to introduce you to the dark side, and what the dark side does.

The truth is, you alone are not enough. 

God designed you to work with people, and most importantly to work with him. Companionship. We weren’t made to lean solely upon ourselves. But then the prince of shadows came along and said, “Hmm. If I focus on that truth, I bet you the sad little humans’ll start running from it.” And that’s exactly what has happened. When you take the truth out of the context of leaning on God, suddenly, you feel weak. You feel insignificant. And, you have no reasoning behind it. 

The truth is, you are weak.

The truth is, you are insignificant.

The truth is, you were made to lean on God and you were made to find your significance in Him. 

But we’ve turned from that and we’ve built our own lies. We call them the truth, because they feel safer than the accusations of our hearts. And still, the accusations stand because, well, the accusations are not false.

It all depends on the context. It all depends on what you finish the sentence with. On where it comes from. On who’s saying it. On what meaning you give it.

It's time for a change.

You are not enough… Because you need God.

Why do you keep trying? … Your insistence on leaning upon your brokenness is killing you.

Give up…. And let God take control. 

Let it fall where it may. When you are looking at God, the world around you stops mattering.

You can’t hold it up. It’s not your place.

So.

Stop.

~Silver

You are Nothing.

This may or may not happen more often, but... This post isn't written in a logical, essay like form. It doesn't sound like I'm lecturing you. Actually. It may sound like I'm mocking you. Not sure. Some of it rhymes. Most of it doesn't. 

It leads into something else I want to post about later though, so that's why it's here instead of somewhere else, like my deviant account or my other blog... 

But enough rambling. Without further adieu...

Things get done.

That’s just how it goes.

You have your highs, you have your lows

You deal.

You survive.

It is the strength you have as a human... And it is not enough.

Never enough. 

You are not enough.

A truth. Something that resounds strongly in your head. 

You are not enough.

It hurts, doesn’t it? 

I know, I know it does… You are not enough.

Enough for what?

Enough to live. Enough to survive maybe but you will always break.

Enough for a day, but that’s all it would take. 

There is no way that you can stand,

It's like living on a sinking land.

There is no place for you to thrive.

And as you are, you know you’re not quite alive…

It’s not my problem.

It never was.

It is yours.

You are not enough. 

Pain, 

I know what that one feels like.

Inadequacy. 

Worthlessness…

You are not enough;

It is the truth.

But it is out of context. 

Standing alone, you feel the burden of knowing that the damage you take, and the damage you do, rests fully upon your shoulders.

The weight of the world.

Your world.

You can’t hold it; who the hell do you think you are to even try?

How dare you?

You pitiful creature… 

Is that what you hear?

I have.

Not like that. Not always so much melodrama.

But that is there.

The pain.

The sentiment behind it.

The knowing, deep inside, how little you are…

That feeling when you look up at the clouds and space and think of all the millions of things that surround you and are overtaking your life and suddenly…

Give up.

It is the only answer. 

Why do you even try?

A truth, again. 

You are not enough.

Why do you keep trying.

It is the truths that condemn.

It is the truths that we end up learning to deny.

This is the way it gets 

Twisted in our heads it gets

Changed around, mangled it gets

Turned around so we learn to 

Name the truth a lie and call the lies our foundation we get

Built up on everything that isn’t real.

It’s time for a change.

Guess what?

You are not enough.

Why do you keep trying?

Give up.

Let it fall where it may.

You can’t hold it up.

So.

Stop.

~Silver

Part 2: Clarification.

Since I just totally nailed anyone who cares about anyone in the face with a "YOU ARE WRONG" nail-gun, and slapped them all with self-awareness and called them all selfish....

I want to clarify.

I'm not sure what exactly I want to clarify yet but something needs clarifying and OH THAT WAS IT!

You're not a terrible person.

The last thing I ever want to do is run around labeling people as terrible people. Honestly, when it comes down to it, there is no one person on the face of this planet who is not a terrible person.
(You: Wait, I thought you said you didn't want to label everyone as terrible people)

I don't. I'm not. I'm simply stating a fact.
Very specifically (Which is still very vague, just fyi), No One is more terrible than anyone else.

Because abandoning yourself for others because you think you're worthless is just as retardedly terrible as being full of yourself and totally in love with yourself and thinking that you are, in fact, God.

No matter what you do, if you do it outside of God, it is terrible.

I am a terrible person. Half the time I write here it isn't because of God, it's really because I'm extremely annoyed at everyone I see and know, and extremely annoyed at American culture, and I want to yell at it. Whether or not God speaks through me is a whole other matter.

God can speak through anyone. It doesn't make his mouthpiece Holy or Awesome or Divinely Worthy of Objects and Things. It simply makes his mouthpiece a mouthpiece.

Similarly, someone can be the most useless person in the entire world, and yet totally and completely in love with God. They could spend their entire life doing nothing but working at Walmart. It doesn't make them worthless. Simply useless.

The point of life was not is not and never will be what you do, or how useful you are. The point of your life, individually, is to love God. Once you love God and your main focus is Him and what He wants, once you give yourself totally and completely to something that is unlike you and will never be anything like you, your life is complete.

And at that point? It won't matter where you are. You won't care. God could tell you to go jump off a cliff and you'd do it.
God could tell you to give up the best seat in church and you'd do it.
God could tell you to not quit that one job you hate and you'd do it willingly.
God could tell you to continue what you are doing and being where you are, and you'd be the happiest individual in the world.

You could be Absolutely Nothing of Consequence.... And you couldn't care.

But until you've reached that point, you always will be a terrible person.
Does that mean God doesn't love you?
Absoultely not!
God died for you.
If you never forget or reject that, then you're ten steps ahead of everyone else already!

Because the point isn't how terrible you are.
The point has nothing to do with who you are.

As I said before.

Who do you love?

~Silver

Selflessness

It's a new year.

I haven't updated in what, a month? 

And I've been thinking, a lot. 

My brain just threw up. Into Apple Pages.

So

Here.

Read 

(Sorry if it makes no sense. If you comment to say it makes no sense, I'll fix it later...)

The focus of christianity is to focus on God and therefore to focus through that lens on everything else. Once your focus is not on yourself, everything becomes different. But if you focus on not self without God as your main point, then everything else really just becomes a way to escape self. 

It’s practically selfishness in and of itself. 

You have to be looking at something uncreated. Something perfect. Otherwise you’re trying to put together a thousand piece puzzle, knowing only the picture is a massive picture of tons of balloons, without actually having an original picture. And you’re really only doing it for self satisfaction. 

It is not a direct form of selfishness, because it is selflessness. But not in totality. No matter how much you can say otherwise, unless you do something with God as your focus, you are ultimately your own focus. 

You help people because you were broken. It’s because you were broken.

You feed people because you feel bad. 

Sympathy. Your emotions call to you and you respond to your own emotions. It’s not necessarily for self gratification. But it eases that pain you feel in knowing, somehow, that you are imperfect. 

Because without God, that is all you have. Imperfection. Selfishness. You are a mirror, always. What you do is what you are reflecting. It speaks of who you are. 

If you willingly give all of yourself, you probably hate yourself. You don’t see yourself as worth taking care of, so you take care of others. It answers the worthlessness, somehow. It doesn’t matter how. But it helps.

Selflessness somewhat satisfies. 

But only somewhat.

Then you throw God into the mix. 

Because no matter what you’re doing, it’s because you were built to do something in response to love. 

You are always responding to love.

The question you have to ask yourself is, what do you love?

Who do you love?

Who comes first?

The good little christian answer is always God. God comes first. It’s a trained response. We learn it when we’re little. Always put God first.

Is He, really? 

I don’t know. You tell me.

Who do you love? 

~Silver

The Power Of Prayer

Well. I have a bunch of long posts that I'm refining. So until I can get one of them postable (The question being, Should it be the music post, a love post, or an evangelizing post?) this is a short post. About prayer.

Prayer is important. We all have heard this at least, even if we don't get it. And, most of us don't get it. Why is prayer important? Does God need us to ask Him? Does His mind require changing? I thought He was omnipotent, and all knowing. Doesn't He know things need doing? Doesn't he care enough to help me on His own? 

The easiest example to use probably speaks to guys the best. How long does a relationship last when the girl expects the guy to know all of her needs and desires? Guy gets girl a purple scarf, she's mad cuz her favorite color is blue. But she never told him her favorite color, and most of her clothes are purple, so he guessed and was really excited to find her the scarf.

(You: but God knows everything)

Yes, yes He does. That wouldn't be a relationship, now, would it? That would be rather one sided. You get everything you want or need, and you don't ever talk to Him. Except occasionally to thank Him. 

(You: But.. He's God. He's above all that.)

Above all what? We were made in His image, complete with His emotions. Including sadness. Sorrow. Pain. You thought God was immune to that? No.

God feels pain. 

God feels pain every time you arrogantly expect Him to cater to your every need. 

Every time you turn from Him and try to fix it on your own instead of simply killing your pride and asking Him. 

Every time you get mad at Him for not being there. 

God feels pain when you do. Did you know what? The same way when someone you love is hurt, you want to fix it and help them and you empathize with them... God's like that. 

That doesn't make God more human. Because remember, He came first and made us in His image. Not the other way around. 

We were made to partner with His heart, to ask for things and pray for burdens so that it could be a shared joy.

He doesn't need us. He wants us. 

~Silver