Reflection on Prayer

I figure, I haven't posted in what, a year? I blame school. Mostly. But the upside of school is at least I can post some of the assignments here.

If you haven't read the way of the heart by Henri Nouwen, I'd highly recommend it. I've read it twice in the past 3 years, which I think really says something about it since I usually can;t tolerate reading a book more than once every five years. 

“Come, sit with me…”

Said my God to my heart, but my heart was silent. 

And in my mind I searched long and hard

For the words to earn me my Lord’s regard

My heart was screaming, but I unaware

That the thing I sought was already there…

I’d try combinations,

Switch the phrases

Change the tone,

I was looking for something to feel less alone,

Some way to express myself and find myself heard

Some way to communicate through thought and pure word,

And I sit, and I think, and meditate on God

But.. To no avail… I was so

Lost, so

Alone, so

Confused, so

Unaware, so

Locked inside 

What the world defined

As prayer…

And as such… 

Locked out of communication.

It’s pure and it’s simple, and it’s obvious and true

Prayer isn’t about what words you use. 

Prayer is the words that come from your heart

It’s a free flow of feeling

The mind takes little part.

It’s all of the things that you feel and you need

And all of the hurts that go deep, like seeds…

You cannot be healed or find true rest,

Until you pray from your heart, and trust that God knows what’s best. 



~Silver

Let's re-cap... Sort of...

I haven't really had anything to say as of late. It's been kind of a mellow, sobering couple of weeks... The kind of weeks where you really just want to keep your mouth shut and let things happen because there's really nothing else to do.

So, in the mean time, to occupy your time for a while while I collect my brain and piece is back in order, here's a few past posts you could go read.

Consider this the reviewing episode, the one where you're watching a show and there's a plot, but it mostly consists of scenes from every other past episode.

Want Great Heart Protection? Allow me to introduce you to... God. 

What is your place?

Images

The image of God... Sins?

The last two are consecutive posts...
There are others from the past, but you can go find those yourself. And if you're feeling really adventurous, you can read my first post. Be warned though. It's mostly just me venting frustration in an inspirational way. Just like the one after it is a long lecture about twilight.

No reason. Just cause. 

God Logic vs World Logic.

I have this theory that once upon a time, the world worked on an entire different sort of logic... Because of a lack of science, yes... But more because by lack of science, facts were proven and not limited by law.
After all, the strength of sin is the law. 1 Corinthians tells us that. (You: Where?) Meh, go find it. I gave you the book if the bible. A hint though, the chapter starts with a rebuke to those who don't believe in the resurrection.

That's a perfect example, actually. Hm. Maybe that's why those two things are in the same chapter. I dunno. But this I know; according to the "laws of nature", dead things stay dead. Just like you can only go a mile a minute at 60 mph. 5 loaves of bread does not feed a starving multitude. And by the "laws of nature," seas and rivers do not split or stop flowing, the sun doesn't stand in place for any length of time, and donkeys definitely do Not talk.

Yet, here we have the Bible. Lazarus dies and stays that way for over a day. Jesus doesn't raise him off a death bead; he raises him out of a grave. A family grave. After he'd been carefully prepped and wrapped and laid to rest. In Luke, Jesus (Who died and is now not dead) walks to Emmaus with two disciples, who didn't recognize him... They invite him to eat dinner with them, and suddenly as he breaks bread they realize who he is. And then he vanishes. (We also have him floating up to heaven on a cloud later). In John ^ (Seriously, read this chapter) Jesus feed thousands of people on one boy's dinner, with left overs, and then proceeds to walk halfway across a lake, get in a boat, and suddenly the boat is at it's destination. Moses splits the Red Sea in half. The Israelites walk across the Jordan river... On dry land. The sun didn't move until the battle was won. And in Numbers Balaam got his a** chewed out by his ass. (Sorry if that offends anyone.)

In today's society, there are two opinions on these phenomenon. There's the Christian opinion which dubs them "miracles." This is a Biblical opinion, though in the greek they are called Signs and Wonder, just to be specific.

These are not Normal. Not now, anyways.

The world's opinion is that all these stories are insanity and factious. Exaggerations. Cool stories.

And why wouldn't they? It's not like the church today lives in that reality.

So here's my question: why not?

The Bible is chock full of awesome stories of things that are not Normal. But did we see Moses hesitate to throw his stick on the ground? No. And then it turned into a snake and ate the demon stick-snakes.

Which brings me to another point. "Miracles" are not limited simply to the church. We live in a reality limited to the physical. We live in a world where science defines what does and what doesn't happen. But see, science is merely limited to the three dimensions we see, and then the fourth dimension, or rather, time.

Science belongs to a world created. Science belongs to the earth. While it is real, it is NOT a governing system. God is the governing system. Did science exist before the world was made? No. Because there was no world to apply it to. There were no rules. There were no dimensions to work with, just... God. And the spirit of God hovered over the waters, and then He spoke light, and thus we see light without source.

No science. Just the power of the word of the uncreated God.

If we live according to world science, World Logic as I call it, then fruit has nothing to do with knowledge and revelation. Fruit is mere sustenance.

But throw that into God logic.

And in God logic, the application of Faith and Willingness results in a mere mortal man walking across the water to meet Jesus.

Do you see my point? Science has limited our scope. It's boxed us in to a certain set of rules pertaining to a limited amount of dimensions. It counts out the spirit realm.

It tells us that no one can look at a lame man begging at the Beautiful Gates and tell him to get up. It says Peter should have died at Herod's hand int eh book of Acts.

So... Where in the Bible does it tell us God Logic no longer applies? Where in the Bible are we told to live primarily according to the sciences and knowledges of man?

I don't know about you, but in My world... What God says goes. And I've got God living in me.


~Silver

A Place for Corporate.

Over this spring break, I got a change to go with a team of about 30 others to Chicago. Not really to evangelize or anything, but simply to strengthen the church there. We held a total of 6 prayer meetings, as well as having group devotional and worship times. One of the days, we went to a Onething regional in Rockford and ran a prophesying room, prophesying over 180 people in three hours.

 And in Chicago, not really for the first time, but for the first recognizable time, I got to see corporate encounter in full effect.

Every night, during our prayer meetings, and then also on the mornings where we held personal devotional times and then group worship, the Holy Spirit's presence was tangible. The later into the week we got, the thicker it became until finally, the day before we left, we held a prayer meeting in Zion. Now, Zion was the first town born out of the Azusa street revival. If you ever go there, pay attention to the street names; you'll find them all to be biblical. You can drive dow David and Gabriel street, etc. But since then, as often happens, people forget and time wears away at things... And it isn't really a revival town, any more.

But that doesn't mean the Spirit is dead. The Holy Spirit never dies, nor forgets.

Very few actually came to the meeting. But the ones who did came clearly had been interceding for this for a while. Actually, it turns out every church we went to had been interceding for someone to come from somewhere and bring a refreshing. And bring a refreshing we did. It's what we meant to do, and when you go into a situation willing for the HS to use you, consider yourself a tool.

By the end of the night, with many of the church members already drunk in the spirit, their pastor stands up and announces that, before we leave, he wants to pray over us. All of us. Individually. He wants his church to bless us... So could we please line up in front?

Not knowing what to expect, we shuffled up to the front an stood in front of the stage. Members of the church came forward and, one by one, each of us got prayer.

It was incredible. One of the women, she just went straight down the line prophesying and nailing each of us, hitting on personal stuff immediately. Not bad stuff. Just... Stuff only God would know. For instance, I'd been missing having close friends and family nearby because we all hug each other. In a group with 9 girls and 19 guys, hugging is a little more awkward and sparse. I'd been telling God all day how lonely I was and how I just needed a hug.

No one knew.

The lady comes to me, looks at me in silence for a moment, then says "You know what? I just want to hug you." And proceeds to do so.

God hears guys. Just btw.

 Anyways. By the time they were done, about a third of us had been filled with the joy of the Spirit and were on the floor. It took all we had to be able to tear ourselves away from the place and go home.

The next morning when we met, we were a totally different group. Everyone was visibly lighter and happier and more refreshed, even more so than we had been every other morning.

And that's when I figured it out.

What I was seeing was a corporate encounter with the Holy Spirit, and a corporate filling with new wine, unto a refreshing.

See, that's what I fell like we've lost sight of. It's easy to do. If there is a time for everything, then when denotes the times? Why do things happen when they happen?
I said the wine isn't bad, but I didn't give an example of when it wasn't. Well. Here is your example. We spent a week using our spring break, time given to us to rest, going to other churches and missions and serving them. Every church we left was refreshed by the HS, either filled with new wine or simply lighter in spirit. The joy of God affected a change of heart, a strengthening and a reminder. And it refreshed us. Instead of coming back to school worn out because we'd spent the week fighting to keep ourselves to a standard, we came back filled with life and only worn out emotionally because we'd been made so sensitive to the spirit over the week.

The spirit is given us to comfort and to teach. he is known as the Helper, as the Comforter. So when we become spirit filled, it is logical that we should have comfort at all times. But as humans always have and always will on this earth... We forget. Like Israel in the desert, we forget that we have the strength of God with us. We forget who made us and who loves us.

The Awakening brought revelation of who we were in God. It strengthened us, refreshed us when we needed it. We brought a sort of awakening to the places we went in Chicago, bringing a reminder of god's love a strength It is unto prophesy and healing, in that when we know the God who loves us and resides in us we can move in His power.

And that, in totality, is the place for corporate encounter. When, as a group, as the bride of Christ, we forget who we are and feel as though we have nothing left. When we are crying out as a group because all we have is revelation of weakness. When we need help.

Our God is good to us. He hears, He cares. He does. He send. We are never alone... We just need to be reminded once in a while :)

~Silver

The Dangers of Being Human.

So the title puts forth a pretty broad topic. I'm not going to write about all of the dangers, that would take too long and never be finished. I'd have to write about everything from random happenstance, to the physical dangers we put ourselves in, to the dangers other people are to us emotionally, to the dangers we are to ourselves emotionally, to the dangers of ignorance and sin. (See, now you have something to think about. Being human is a risk. Sorry.)

Anyways, the dangers I'm going to write on right now are the type you'd normally expect to find here; the dangers of liking someone.

That's also a pretty broad topic.

This is going to be simple, like a checklist. In essence, the point I want to get across is that you should be careful. And I want you to question yourself by how you see others. It somewhat relates to this post. Think of it as a sort of continuation.

When we see people, and judge them by what we know in ourselves, it's not just tied to the bad stuff. Believe it or not, the human heart tends to look at things based on how it sees itself about... 87% of the time. (Also, 57% of all statistics are made up. Both the statistics you see here are such imaginary numbers. But they are general estimates. And the first one is fairly close to truth.)

When we dislike people, it's usually because we see things we hate about ourselves. But what about when we like people?

A lot of times, we like people because they are what we wish to see in ourselves. Meg likes Dave because he is outgoing, happy, and follows God with complete abandon. Meanwhile she is shy, sad, and can't seem to compel herself to do everything God wants her to do. Sure, Dave is cute and a really likeable guy, but Meg is being drawn to something that fills her lack.

It's not a bad thing, per say. It's how we were made. God completes us. The problem here is what the future for this relationship would be.

So let's play it out.

Meg dates Dave, and finds herself happy with him. But for some strange reason, she still feels sad, and she starts comparing herself to Dave. She still feels incomplete and like a failure. She wishes she could be like him.

She did before, of course. But this is different. Now she's dating him.

She starts to see everything that she hates about herself highlighted, because he lacks those qualities. It's like being full of darkness and dating a light. Suddenly you find your life illuminated, and all the dark things are blazingly obvious.

(You: But God is light...?)

Right. God is light, but he is the light of a fire as opposed to a reflection. If your heart is with God, then the darkness gets burned out of you. If your heart is with a reflection of God... Get my point?

It's not just limited to the Meg and Dave example, but those are the typical things we see that we want. Confidence. A good God relationship. Happiness. Selflessness. Even gifts of the spirit, such as prophecy. Leadership skills. Faith.

There is nothing that makes you feel quite as bad as someone who is more ______ than you are. Someone who you think is more faithful will kill you inside, if that's your focus.

Another thing that often happens in christian communities is everyone develops a crush on Z because Z burns brightly for God, and reflects the face of God in Z's own face. It's a longing for God, reaching out to whatever the closest thing is.

It's a longing for fulfillment, reaching out to whatever looks the most like fulfillment. But you can never get your own satisfaction out of someone else's completion. It's like listening to a song and admiring it. You can enjoy it, but you won't get the same out of it as the song writer. It hits your heart and moves you, but it doesn't mean the same thing to you.

So now you see both sides of the coin.

Judgement because we see what we hate about ourselves..
And judgement because we are always longing for something to fill that gap.

It's a dangerous thing to be, a weak empty human. And we know the answer. To gaze on God and to have an identity in Him.

But this is why relationships are dangerous, especially for someone younger. As a young adult, you are (usually...) just coming out of the identity you had under your family and developing an adult identity for yourself. It is not impossible to do this while in a relationship with another person. but your personal identity will Always be affected by who you date. It'll just be more affected when you "grow up" as opposed to after you've "grown up."

I'd like to say I am not hitting on anyone I know's relationships. I know plenty of successful young adult relationships. But so often, every relationship likes to compare itself to the successful examples. Failure is marked off and forgotten because that's what you're suppose dot do with failure.. Except people forget the part where you're supposed to learn something.

Everyone knows being in a relationship is dangerous, but we tend to look to the 10% who did well as our goal.

Not saying the goal shouldn't be successful. Simply be cautious, and prepare your heart before trying to attach it to someone else's. And also that if you have a crush on someone, take a step back and figure out why first. Make sure it isn't because they are what you aspire to be.

The optimal match is someone who is your equal. God said don't be uneqally yoked. This doesn't just mean don't date/marry a non-christian. This means find someone who is an appropriate maturity level. Someone you get along well with. Someone who both matches And balances you, instead of simply one or the other. Not your clone. Just... Your equal.

Make sense?
Awesome.
Doesn't make sense?
Doesn't surprise me. This post feels scattered. Tell me where it's fuzzy, and I'll fix it.

Grace and peace to you!

~Silver

Cooperate vs Personal

I realize I focus a lot on the individual. What about the cooperate? Doesn't that exist too?

Yes. We are the Body of the church. The bride is, in its entirety, a conglomerate group of people who love God whole-heartedly and therefore, out of love, follow His commandments. It is a group of people who individually know who they are before God, and thus in that spirit, under the Holy Spirit to be very specific, love each other and work together in love.

It's a definition. But it isn't a working definition.

See, here's where the problem lies. People do not like to do things alone. People do not truly like to stand out.

Sandra dyes her hair pink and wears heavy make up to make a statement. To be an individual... By which she isn't standing alone, she's standing above with everyone's attention on her. Peter is sitting in the corner writing songs because he doesn't like the group, feels rejected, and knows he doesn't fit in. He never did. He always was, and therefor thinks he always will be, a loner. He's told himself it will always be that way and has resigned himself to that. When he gets a girlfriend, or a close friend, and learns to trust them, they will be his life. It will practically kill him if that person betrays or leave him, and will further cement the opinion that he deserves to be a loner.

It is out of this that a "mob mentality" arrives. One or two key people do something and, all of a sudden, everyone has to do that. Key figures want to burn witches? So now everyone's wielding pitchforks and torches and running around branding the loners as witches.

A lot of people are getting hit with the Holy Spirit and are falling over drunk? It's infectious. Suddenly everyone is.

LET ME BE EXTREMELY CLEAR HERE!!!!

I am NOT SAYING THAT everyone's simply faking it. I AM NOT SAYING that a majority is faking it. I AM NOT SAYING the joy of the spirit is a lie or anything.

What I am saying is that there are people who saw what was going on and decided they wanted it too, so they therefore produced it in their own lives themselves.

... I am NOT pointing fingers. I don't have names behind this.

Yes, I did totally just compare HS drunk to witch burning. Yes, that is a terrible comparison. But I'm trying to get a point across.

(You: OMG you're a doubting Thomas!1!! I bet you never got drunk in the spirit and NOW you're Jealous. Spirit of envyyyyyyy !!!!1!1!!)

You're right. During the awakenings, I didn't spend any time on the floor. I did, however, spend lots of time praying for people and knocking them over. And I did get drunk in the spirit separately.

What bothers me isn't that people were getting drunk. It isn't that people were laughing hysterically and falling over. What bothers me is the people who I could pray for without them knowing it was me, and nothing would happen, but as soon as they knew who was praying for them there was a reaction...

And what bothers me is the people who, after the awakneings were over left to go chase the next high.

I believe that the joy of the spirit should be unto something. There are many people who were seriously changed by their encounter with joy. Depression was broken off. And then there were the people who fell right back into depression once the awakenings ended and, ever since then, have been praying furiously for a new awakening. Who have been chasing the high.

It's been two whole years since the awakening. Should we stop praying for it? No. Does that mean it should be a main focus on our hearts? Absolutely not.

This is the problem with cooperate bodies. We went somewhere, as a group. And now, as a group, we refuse to leave that place, when there is more even for us.

We need to be tending to the next thing... We need to be living under the banner God has put us under now.

The times I have gotten drunk in the spirit, it was always unto a spirit of prophecy. It would go from uncontainable laughter straight to a proclamation of truth.

I believe this is what a move of the spirit is unto.

But under mob mentality, the "new wine" became simply another cooperate Thing.

And therein lies the problem with a group.

And therein lies my focus on the individual.

Once who you are is set right before God, and once God is no longer a means to any sort of an end Other Than God... (Yes, God is a means to God. God isn't just the means, He is the End too. It's in revelation... sort of.)

Anyways.

Once the individual stuff is set straight, all else will follow. Why do you think Mike Bickle is where he is? Is it because he has his heart set on the group? No. He has his heart set on doing what is right before God. Was David;s focus on Israel? No. It was on his own heart before God. Is Lou's thing just the Call? No. It is what is right before God.

(Not that I'm saying every leader is like that. I do believe some leaders in some positions are there because God designed them for that position. But it is not our place to judge who God has put into leadership... It is our place to set our own hearts before God.)

So yeah.

And that's why this tends to be a blog about personal walks with God...
Please don't kill me?
(But do comment if you disagree...)

~Silver

Since THAT clearly did Not work...

I'll simply touch on that subject later. Today let's talk about people. And seeing them. And thinking about them. And judging them.

You know, since we all do it in some way or another. I know I do, anyways. My guess is that you do too...

Because, you see, not everyone is perfect. And only God, in His perfect judgement, can tell what is or isn't perfect. But then Eve had to go listen to the serpent, and Adam stood by, watched, and partook... And now we all think we can judge good from evil. Go figure.

We've heard "judge not, lest ye be judged," right? Well, if you haven't now you have. It's a verse in Matthew 7, I do believe. And we get the basics of it. If you judge someone, so God will judge you.. But have you ever really thought about it? What's that supposed to even mean? After all, God is going to judge everybody anyways. What difference does it make whether you judge or not?

The origin of Judge isn't actually to condemn someone. It's really, simply, to form an opinion of someone.
Meaning, when you look at someone and decide they are annoying and talk too much, you're judging them. (You: right, that's sort of obvious.)

Yeah but see, it's Your Opinion. About someone you barely know. But I'm not going to rant about that. I'm sure you've heard it all before. Omg how could you you don't know them or what they've been through etc...  Actually, what I'm about to do could, I suppose, be considered me judging You. Except in doing so I'm totally judging me too... Eh. Moving on

What you see in others is what you will likely ignore in yourself.

You know the phrase "Takes one to know one."? Yeah it's totally true. If you think you talk too much, for instance (Which, I think I talk too much. So this is a personal example) it makes you very, very conscious of others who talk. Therefore, people who talk as much as you do, or more than you do, are automatically deemed to talk too much.

But see, there's nothing wrong with talking... I find it annoying because, when I was younger, I talked a lot, and I knew a lot of things (Like... All of the answers.) and was accordingly told I talked too much, and asked (Not usually very politely) to shut up, which in turn trained me to notice when people are talking "too much." "Too much" is merely a concept defined by my past experiences, but because of that hurt, and that definition, I have struggled with people who talk "too much," and amd still struggling to not hate myself for talking "too much."

That all sounded like a really long sob story, but it wasn't. It is merely an example. A lot of people I know that are, for instance, homophobes, tend to be straight people who were teased about being gay. People who have trust issues are usually people who have problems being straightforward and honest themselves.

You see what you know. If you don't know a trait so personally, you're way less likely to see it, and since there are so many things you do know personally you are almost guaranteed not to notice the issues you do not yourself have.

The people who hate the ones who simply get everything are usually the people who believe themselves to be more deserving.

So now that we are aware of, well, awareness I suppose.... Now what?
The most obvious, and simu,taneously the most wrong answer, is to focus on yourself and fixing yourself.

You can spend HOURS and HOURS and DAYS and MONTHS and ENTIRE SEASONS focusing on fixing yourself, and what's wrong with you, and in the end you'll be just as bad, if not worse, and in a heck of a lot of pain.

Rememebr how often I bring it back to who you are, and how God loves you, and how God is in You, etc?
Now is a really good time to put that into action.

Instead of focusing on other people's faults and thereby simultaneously ignoring and furthering our own, the clear opposite is to focus on who God calls us, and who God calls others. On the earth, it is soooo easyyyy to see all the problems. People get hurt, and therefore retaliate and get mad. Nothing is perfect, so people complain. People want to get away with things, so they lie. People want to feel safe, so they control. Etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. You can see that anywhere. But as a human, we are not of this world. Even more specifically, as someone accepted into the beloved of God, we are not of this kingdom.

This isn't forever. Focusing on the problems here is like focusing on an M'n M. You can know everything about it, down to exactly what shade of red it is, and what the milk-coco ratio is, but once it's been eaten that's it. You cannot do anything with it. You can have a candle, but once it's burnt out it's gone. You're stuck in the dark and empty handed (And possibly burnt, if you were holding the candle.)

... I like that scenario, actually.

The world is like a dark room. If you have a candle (Or are following someone else who has one) you can see arrows on the ground telling you where to go. But if you have no candle, you can see the exit. You can see the world outside the cave. And it's opposite of where the directions in the candle-light tell you to go.

And there is a time, for everyone, where you will die. And when you die, you want to be living in the light and the world to come as if it has already come, instead of focusing on your candle and where its light says to go. Make sense?

(You: How the heck is this related to judging?) Because by judging others, you are making them a candle. By focusing on yourself, you are making yourself a candle. You are your own light. The Only Truth is to focus on God... God, who is Love, Love, with is patient, kind, and Does Not Judge (Or fail or give up, etc.) See my point?

If you don't get it, tell me what was fuzzy, and if this strikes a wrong (Or a right..) chord in you, tell me about it. I really want to know.

Till next time!

~Silver

I have spoken of truth..

And I have spoken of lies.

And I've written definitive stuff about how awesome everyone is. And I've written similarly definitive stuff about how everyone sucks....

Who people are matters a lot. I think I've made that abundantly clear. I hope I have, anyways. If I haven't, that's what I'm doing here. (You: Oh good. I've gotten that point already, so I can leave.)
No, stay.

Just because you know something doesn't mean you don't need to hear it again.
(Repetition is your friend!)

Lies are things that will follow you forever. The less you do about it, the more attached they get to you.

So, I leave the question to you. I'm not going to make this a long update. Just something to get you thinking, and hopefully something you'll respond to. Mostly because I need responses for my next update, which will be directly from this...

What are lies you know are over your life?
What are you doing about it?
Who are you? (For once, I am sincerely asking your perspective. Who you say you are, not who God says you are.)
How much do you know in your head that you don't believe in your heart?

(Please respond. Even if it's just for the kittens >.>)

~Silver

Co-dependancy

So... This so happens to be a topic that's really close to me. For a lot of reasons. We won't get into that, however. But there is some literature that gets spread around, a lot, and everyone I know that's run into it has had their life unduly shattered because, while the information in the booklet is true, it is extreme by no means gentle.

So let's talk about co-dependancy. What does that even mean? Is it bad? Yes. But it isn't something that should sit on your head like a hat that's trying to kill you.

Co-Dependency, to put it simply, is when you are dependent on a relationship to define who you are.

Like, for instance, when you have a close friend and what she says or does changes what you say and do. She says she hates rap, so you accordingly delete all rap from your music library and pretend to hate it too. He says he hates skinny jeans, so you agree and quietly get rid of all your favorite pants.

She cancels plans to hang out, and all of a sudden your world has shattered. You don't know what to do any more. Your entire night has been ruined. You hang out with other friends, but it's just not the same. Even if she reschedules for later, you still feel rejected and alone.

This. Is not. Healthy.

Your life was never made to totally depend on someone else's.

Now, here's where we run into problems.

Listen to me very carefully right now.

You are not a terrible broken person. You are a human being. Human beings were created to depend on people. Thats why God made two of us.
The issue isn't that you are depending on something.
The issue is that you need to be depending on something uncreated, that is perfect and will not fail. The issue is that, while you do need friends and other relationships, you don't need to run around built into how you relate to them.

Your friendships should be defined by who you are, not the other way around.

The question being, how to undo this? How do you fix a relationship without tearing it to pieces?

For starters, you need to smack yourself in the face (Well, not really.) look yourself in a mirror, and tell yourself it's ok to be yourself. You are a person. You are allowed to have your own thoughts and opinions. You are allowed to be.

Then you need to spend some alone time. Just you and God. Just you, being you... With God.

Even if all you end up doing is going on an extendedly long drive, exploring everything in your city, radio blaring whatever you like to listen to. Scream the lyrics. Be happy. Enjoy yourself.


Did you know God enjoys himself? Cause He does. And you should too. Enjoy yourself, that is. I mean yeah, enjoy Him. But. Whatever. You get my point. 


If you can stop being whoever anyone else wants you to be, you'll be fine. Eventually it'll stop hurting to be you.
(if it keeps hurting to be you, you need help. I'm not just saying that. I mean it. Go find someone whom you respect and have them pray for you.)

Always keep in mind... Nothing can change you unless you let it. Unless you want it to. You can't even change you unless you let yourself. Unless you want to. You can't blame God for something that's totally on your head. He made you you, and He won't help you without your consent.

This is all slightly different if you find yourself depending on someone you're dating. what really doesn't help is if you and your person are always together, and if you kiss (A lot.....) and cuddle (A lot...). Things like that tie people to people. Which yeah, you want to be tied to the person you plan on marrying. That's the entire point of marrying them. But if you're tied in the sense that who you are depends on them.... If you're tied in the sense that you need them... That is the entirely wrong sort of bond.

What's even worse is if they've forced this on you. If they tied themselves to you first, or if they tied you to them, run. Break all ties, so to speak. There's not much saving that can happen with this. This is a dangerously bad relationship. This is the sort of thing that will kill you. Maybe no physically kill you... But it will kill you. (I should know... Trust me.)

Be safe.
Be YOU. Yourself. Entirely.
It's ok to be who you are.
Who you are is perfect and amazing.....
*Cheesy, kiddish voice* because God made you special! And He loves you very much!






~Silver

More rules :P (V-day 2)

More rules for life. And. Dating. And stuff like that.

1. DO NOT date someone because you're lonely. This will not end well. You'll live by who they are. And if they leave, you'll crash into a sudden desire for non existence, until you find another person to "fill" that emptiness in your heart.
2. DO NOT date someone just cuz they're cute. This is self explanatory.
3. DO NOT date someone because they think you are amazing. If this is why you like them.. Then you're just using them. And you suck.
4. Similarly, don't date someone who likes you because you like them.
5. DO date someone because you think they are amazing, And they think you are amazing, AND (This one is important) you want to spend the rest of your life with them.
6. Treat any relationship as though it is the most serious one you've ever been in.
7. Keep your relationships sacred.
8. Keep God sacred.
9. Don't try to fix the person you're with. If they require you to fix them, then you shouldn't be dating them.
10. Let God take care of things.
11. Look to God to fix your life.
12. Getting mad solves nothing. NOTHING.
13. Getting even doesn't solve anything either.
14. If you take a second to figure out what hurt you and made you mad, you can fix it.
15. If you take a second to figure out what hurt your person and made them mad (Friend or significant other), you can fix it.
16. Stay calm.
17. Kissing doesn't actually make everything better. That's like putting frosting over a moldy cake. You can't eat it, it's still bad and getting worse, but it looks pretty so you'll keep it for longer while it gets destroyed from the inside out.
19. Needing someone is not loving them.
20. God coming first doesn't mean you ask Him to fix your relationship. God coming first means stopping what you're doing, letting go, and saying "Your kingdom come, your will be done." even if it means losing everything. (Especially if it means losing everything)
21. God is not a fixit man, he is a builder. And He built you. And He calls you sacred and beautiful. Don't defile that.


So, there's another 21 rules/guidelines. Thank you if you commented on the last post, I really appreciate people's input. It helps me to fix anything that needs fixing and it also gives me an idea of what to write later on. (That and it's nice to see that someone actually reads and thinks about the stuff here.)

Here's another post from.. Forever ago about relationships, in case you're interested.

I may or may not have another post before V-day hits.... If I don't.. Remember to buy discount candy the day after!!!

(The plus of being single...)

 ~Silver

Security in Who you Are (V-day 1)

(You: Kittens? Seriously?)

Yeah. Told you I would. 

The post actually had a point to it... We'll see over the next few posts if anyone got it. (This is a test of your observations skills. And your listening skills. Etc.)

But now onto more serious topics. (Well, ok, to me the last post was a very serious topic, all wrapped up in a silly little story...)

Valentine's day is coming up, and you're probably one of three people. You're either excited, because your person is awesome and you just know something awesome is gonna happen, Worried, because you don't know what's going on and you don't know if your person will be happy or not... Or you're like me and you're alone and you feel alone and this day is gonna suck.

(There are two other kinds of people, the kind who's others have died and the kind who are single but are ok with that. My condolences tot he first of those types. My congratulations to the second.)

If you are the first of the five people I just mentioned, awesome. This post isn't necessarily for you.

 If you are the second... Stay Here. We need to have a short talk.

If you are the last... I'm sorry. I feel you're pain. It is going to be ok, I promise. Someday, you and I won't have to go through this torture every year. Nobody ends up alone forever, unless they choose to be. I propose we spend the 14th finding all the other single people and giving them chocolate. Sound good? Great. Also, you can stay here too if you wish. This is off-handedly directed at you too.


So over the next few days leading up to V-Day, I'll be posting stuff about relationships. (This is my first ever post here. It's my favorite... Well, ok so a lot of them are my favorite. But anyways. If you haven't read it, you should. You should also pick through and read other things from that year, k? K.)

Today our post will be about insecurity in relationships. (You: Well now That doesn't sound judgmental at all...) You use your discretion. If to you, this post is entirely pointless, don't take offense. Just leave. Or send this to all of your friends. Or whatever.

Anyways. Moving on.

Sooo it's almost Valentine's day. You've done everything you can think of. You got him/her a card, and chocolate, and a teddy bear... You've made plans to go out and eat and see a movie. You know exactly what you're wearing. You know what your hair will do, what your make up will look like... Maybe you've even planned conversation.

Whatever.

You have this entire thing planned out perfectly, nothing is going to go wrong this year, it's going to be awesome and perfect and... And... What if... No.. Well... What if he/she hates it? What if something goes wrong? What if they're not happy?

What if you're not good enough?

(Or maybe you're single, and this is the only thing running through your head, as to why you're single.)

Let me start by saying that if you're afraid of not being good enough, you haven't been reading this blog at all. God made you, remember?

But all that aside...

Why wouldn't you be good enough? He/she is dating you, right? He/she clearly thinks you are the most amazing You there will every be. You've been told you're pretty. Stop worrying.

(Again, or you're single. Thought... Maybe you're last relationship died because you spent too much time convinced you weren't good enough that he/she couldn't love you? If that wasn't it, then clearly he/she wasn't good enough for you and is an idiot who was probably dropped as a child and is insecure therefore cannot keep you or anyone around because they are insecure and, well, stupid.)

Insecurities have no place in this day. Valentine's day should Never be a test of how much you and whoever love each other. The minute it becomes that you need to do one of two things. You need to either have a long talk with your person, Or. You need to take a step back, pray, and get some inner healing for rejection.

Who you are is not based on what your person thinks of you. It is not based on how well this day goes. There is some grace, I suppose, for if this is you and person's first Valentine's day together. If you've only been dating a month then ok, I can understand some insecurities. And I'm not saying you should be totally and completely unconcerned about what he/she thinks at all.

But spending a week worrying about it? Questioning whether he/she will break up with you? You are dooming your relationship to a short life of worry and pain. If you're doubting whether he/she is being honest when they say "I love you," then you really shouldn't even Be Dating.

Don't you know who you are?

Let's play compare for a second.

Once upon a time God wanted a bride for His Son, so He made you.

You.

Not some amazing angelic Thing.

He made YOU.

YOU, who YOU are, is more than good enough for God. It is so much more than good enough for God that His Son Died For You.
He stepped out of heaven, stepped out of glory, out of a place where if he wanted it, He could be eating a cloud sunday while choirs of sheep and dinosaurs sang to him... And then became this itty bitty dust-thing sleeping where farm animals eat. He was the poorest of the poor. A carpenter. Not anything wealthy or important.

You're afraid someone will never truly love you?
You're afraid you're not good enough?

God died for you, in a roundabout way. Jesus left the love of his father so he could take up all Your sins.

So if you're afraid you're not good enough for someone, please first throw it into this perspective.

Of course then we have the evil people who make everyone else feel like they're not good enough.

You've heard this before but please listen to me.

If. Your boyfriend or girlfriend. On a regular basis. Spends time making you feel inferior. Treats you like the dust of the earth. Compares you to people they think are better than you. Compares you to their ex all the time, who they clearly think are better than you. Manipulates you into doing things because that would make you more awesome...

Leave them.

They are insecure, and have made you feel the same so that they can keep you. They are afraid of losing you. They are using who you are and what you do as a basis for who they are and what they do. You are going to be miserable for a very long time if you don't fix it now.

No one has any right at all to define you unless they are defining you as God's. Anything else is a lie.

That's why your relationship with God is supposed to come first. Unless you really have what God says about you at your core, you're going to spend a lot of time being miserable and insecure and unhappy.

if valentine's day is a day of terror for you, you really need to question what's going on in your heart, and go to God with it and settle it.

Also, if you know a single person, make it a point on the 14th to give them a hug and a box of candy, k? :)

~Silver

Told you I'd post about kittens....

One upon a time, Lenni and Gary adopted a kitten.

They played with it. They pet it. And... They fed it dog food. And vegetables. Mostly vegetables.

The kitten, who was not meant to eat vegetables, was sickly all of the time. But, Lenni and Gary just kept on with the train wreck of a carnivore diet. They told anyone who would listen about how healthy their cat really was.

And then the cat died.

Why did the poor kitten die?

Because no one commented on the failtastic diet that Lenni and Gary had put together.

The moral of the story?

Comment on Everything! EVERYTHING!!!
Do it for the kittens!

~Silver

You are Nothing.......... If you stand alone.

“Guess what?

You are not enough.

Why do you keep trying?

Give up. “

It’s true, what I said last time. (You need to read this post before you can read the one you're at now. It is imperative. Sorry.) [(... I'm not actually sorry. Go read it.)]

Yeah, so maybe the post was a little cruel sounding (You: A little cruel sounding? A Little, cruel sounding? You sick, sadistic human being…) Well, alright. So maybe a little more than a little harsh.

But why dance around it? It’s something we all hear, something we all feel.. Why pretend that isn’t an accusation on your heart?

If no one brings up the cruel things in life, all our problems will never be solved.

That’s my theory, anyways. (You: Well, your theory sucks.) Fine, I’ll write about kittens next time.

But until then, lemme finish up here. Last week’s post was not a meandering stab at your heart. 

We’ve all heard the saying, “The truth will set you free.” And we all know, it’s true. 

But context is everything.

If I were to look a girl in the eyes and say “You are beautiful,” she’d probably smile. It’d hit her heart a little, but not much. However, if a guy did the same thing, she’d probably blush a little and she’d feel it more. She’d believe it a little more. And if the guy she likes did the exact same thing, she’d be on cloud nine. She’d spend the rest of the day living off the emotions from that comment. 

One truth. Three reactions.

Now, take the phrase “You’re beautiful,” and put it into advertising. Stick it on the walls of Victoria’s Secret. Stick it in a shampoo commercial. Suddenly, this truth is a ploy. A lure. A trap of sorts. 

Give the phrase to a rapist (Or, you know, someone friendlier. A player maybe.) Now this truth is deadly.

The truth in and of itself is neutral. It’s how you use it that counts.

Now that we’ve settled that, let’s move on.

“You are not enough.” 

That’s another truth. Do you see where I’m going with this? When we hear this one, we immediately rebel against it. “No! I am enough!” we cry, desperately hoping to ease the pain we feel. 

And that’s exactly the reaction the enemy would want. I don’t talk about spirit stuff much. I mostly just lean towards God. But allow me to introduce you to the dark side, and what the dark side does.

The truth is, you alone are not enough. 

God designed you to work with people, and most importantly to work with him. Companionship. We weren’t made to lean solely upon ourselves. But then the prince of shadows came along and said, “Hmm. If I focus on that truth, I bet you the sad little humans’ll start running from it.” And that’s exactly what has happened. When you take the truth out of the context of leaning on God, suddenly, you feel weak. You feel insignificant. And, you have no reasoning behind it. 

The truth is, you are weak.

The truth is, you are insignificant.

The truth is, you were made to lean on God and you were made to find your significance in Him. 

But we’ve turned from that and we’ve built our own lies. We call them the truth, because they feel safer than the accusations of our hearts. And still, the accusations stand because, well, the accusations are not false.

It all depends on the context. It all depends on what you finish the sentence with. On where it comes from. On who’s saying it. On what meaning you give it.

It's time for a change.

You are not enough… Because you need God.

Why do you keep trying? … Your insistence on leaning upon your brokenness is killing you.

Give up…. And let God take control. 

Let it fall where it may. When you are looking at God, the world around you stops mattering.

You can’t hold it up. It’s not your place.

So.

Stop.

~Silver

You are Nothing.

This may or may not happen more often, but... This post isn't written in a logical, essay like form. It doesn't sound like I'm lecturing you. Actually. It may sound like I'm mocking you. Not sure. Some of it rhymes. Most of it doesn't. 

It leads into something else I want to post about later though, so that's why it's here instead of somewhere else, like my deviant account or my other blog... 

But enough rambling. Without further adieu...

Things get done.

That’s just how it goes.

You have your highs, you have your lows

You deal.

You survive.

It is the strength you have as a human... And it is not enough.

Never enough. 

You are not enough.

A truth. Something that resounds strongly in your head. 

You are not enough.

It hurts, doesn’t it? 

I know, I know it does… You are not enough.

Enough for what?

Enough to live. Enough to survive maybe but you will always break.

Enough for a day, but that’s all it would take. 

There is no way that you can stand,

It's like living on a sinking land.

There is no place for you to thrive.

And as you are, you know you’re not quite alive…

It’s not my problem.

It never was.

It is yours.

You are not enough. 

Pain, 

I know what that one feels like.

Inadequacy. 

Worthlessness…

You are not enough;

It is the truth.

But it is out of context. 

Standing alone, you feel the burden of knowing that the damage you take, and the damage you do, rests fully upon your shoulders.

The weight of the world.

Your world.

You can’t hold it; who the hell do you think you are to even try?

How dare you?

You pitiful creature… 

Is that what you hear?

I have.

Not like that. Not always so much melodrama.

But that is there.

The pain.

The sentiment behind it.

The knowing, deep inside, how little you are…

That feeling when you look up at the clouds and space and think of all the millions of things that surround you and are overtaking your life and suddenly…

Give up.

It is the only answer. 

Why do you even try?

A truth, again. 

You are not enough.

Why do you keep trying.

It is the truths that condemn.

It is the truths that we end up learning to deny.

This is the way it gets 

Twisted in our heads it gets

Changed around, mangled it gets

Turned around so we learn to 

Name the truth a lie and call the lies our foundation we get

Built up on everything that isn’t real.

It’s time for a change.

Guess what?

You are not enough.

Why do you keep trying?

Give up.

Let it fall where it may.

You can’t hold it up.

So.

Stop.

~Silver

Part 2: Clarification.

Since I just totally nailed anyone who cares about anyone in the face with a "YOU ARE WRONG" nail-gun, and slapped them all with self-awareness and called them all selfish....

I want to clarify.

I'm not sure what exactly I want to clarify yet but something needs clarifying and OH THAT WAS IT!

You're not a terrible person.

The last thing I ever want to do is run around labeling people as terrible people. Honestly, when it comes down to it, there is no one person on the face of this planet who is not a terrible person.
(You: Wait, I thought you said you didn't want to label everyone as terrible people)

I don't. I'm not. I'm simply stating a fact.
Very specifically (Which is still very vague, just fyi), No One is more terrible than anyone else.

Because abandoning yourself for others because you think you're worthless is just as retardedly terrible as being full of yourself and totally in love with yourself and thinking that you are, in fact, God.

No matter what you do, if you do it outside of God, it is terrible.

I am a terrible person. Half the time I write here it isn't because of God, it's really because I'm extremely annoyed at everyone I see and know, and extremely annoyed at American culture, and I want to yell at it. Whether or not God speaks through me is a whole other matter.

God can speak through anyone. It doesn't make his mouthpiece Holy or Awesome or Divinely Worthy of Objects and Things. It simply makes his mouthpiece a mouthpiece.

Similarly, someone can be the most useless person in the entire world, and yet totally and completely in love with God. They could spend their entire life doing nothing but working at Walmart. It doesn't make them worthless. Simply useless.

The point of life was not is not and never will be what you do, or how useful you are. The point of your life, individually, is to love God. Once you love God and your main focus is Him and what He wants, once you give yourself totally and completely to something that is unlike you and will never be anything like you, your life is complete.

And at that point? It won't matter where you are. You won't care. God could tell you to go jump off a cliff and you'd do it.
God could tell you to give up the best seat in church and you'd do it.
God could tell you to not quit that one job you hate and you'd do it willingly.
God could tell you to continue what you are doing and being where you are, and you'd be the happiest individual in the world.

You could be Absolutely Nothing of Consequence.... And you couldn't care.

But until you've reached that point, you always will be a terrible person.
Does that mean God doesn't love you?
Absoultely not!
God died for you.
If you never forget or reject that, then you're ten steps ahead of everyone else already!

Because the point isn't how terrible you are.
The point has nothing to do with who you are.

As I said before.

Who do you love?

~Silver