This has nothing to do with your dad.

This is for you.

This is another one of those posts I’d encourage you to read all the way through, whether the beginning sounds like it applies to you or not. 

It’s hard to trust God. I can admit it. Can you? Probably. That’s not hard to admit. 

But.

Do you know why it’s so hard to trust God?

I mean, really there are an infinite amount of answers that are honestly all correct to some degree or another and it really does depend on the person but can you think of something it may come down to?

(I don’t trust anyone. I’ve been stabbed in the back too many times.) 

Perfectly valid and unfortunately common. Because we are human, made of dust, and wielding knives in our hands and in our tongues. That is the most common reason why we don’t trust God. 

But you know what that ties to?

(let me guess. My relationship with my father) Yes but that is an entirely different matter and not actually one I’d like to touch on here, on this site… Issues with your dad is something you should probably just take to God and seek counsel for. Just sayin’…

No, surprisingly trust issues tie a lot to worth. Think about it. If you trust someone, it’s because you value them and they value you. The more valued you feel, the more likely you are to be able to trust that person. If a leader values your opinion, listens to what you have to say, and takes time to talk to you or help you… You can follow them. 

So… If you have trouble following God’s leadership and trusting that He will provide for you, what does that accordingly signify? (That I don’t like leaders.) You’re missing this. 

You don’t feel valued. 

You don’t feel like you are worth listening to.

Does that sound like you at all? This isn’t going to sound like every single person that reads this of course, so you can decide it doesn’t. That’s ok. I’m not name calling. Heck I know I need to be listening to what I say myself, even in writing this I'm realizing that. Keep reading... You're bound to get something out of this. 

But do you feel like your opinions won’t be considered? Like… If you need something, that something should take the back burner.

Because for some reason, every time you have a good idea, someone else has a better one. Every time you do something well, someone else comes along and does it better before anyone else notices. And people tell you they’re listening, but then they do the exact opposite. 

Like you are nothing to them.

Like your words are nothing to them.

And it’s no wonder you find it hard to trust God, or anyone else for that matter.

If no one else cares about you… Why would God? 

Why would God give you what you need, especially if you can get it for yourself. You can stand on your own two feet, so why don’t you? You’re broke with two jobs but you have 12 hours free time, so you can get a third job. Why should God have to take care of you?

Of course you’re spending time in prayer and you are trusting and you know He does provide for you and He loves you and you are His and all that… But if the money for the bills doesn’t come through that’s completely to be expected. God cares, but there are simply some things that it’s just common sense you’d have to do on your own. You can’t expect God to run your life for you now can you? 

I mean, obviously the answer is just pray harder, but don't bug God too much He knows what you need so don't bug Him about it.  Right? The Bible says He'll provide for you and, well, you're alive and living fine so that must be provision enough. Just be happy with it as it is. Don't ask Him too much, don't bother Him with your own life too much, it's about relationship so it must be about Him and where He wants you. No need to spend time asking for HIm to send you help. 

You don't deserve it. You deserve death anyways and you're not getting that. 

(That’s not a trust issue. That’s just common sense.) No honey, that’s a trust issue. And that's a worth issue. There is no where in the Bible hat supports your so called common sense. Unless God has specifically told you you need to go get three jobs, my guess is you don’t really need those three jobs. God knows our frame. He’s not going to require more of us than we can handle. 

(But I can handle three jobs heck I can handle four. I’m just like that.) Yeah and you’re tired and miserable and can’t figure out what’s wrong with your life, because there is something, even something miniscule, that’s just off. There is something that just isn’t right and you aren’t quite sure what it is, even though you’ve surrounded yourself with answers… 

It’s just lost to you. 

I’m not going to back down on this point either. I firmly believe that the more you actively trust God the more He will answer you, and the more you believe you are worthy and deserving of Love (After all, you were worth dying for..) the more He can show you by providing for you. But if you give flowers to someone who doesn't think they deserve them, the flowers are wasted. 

(But He never… I have before. I did for a very long time. You don’t know my life.)

No I don’t but I have a pretty good guess about how you feel about yourself. About how you feel others view you, maybe even how others do view you. This has nothing to do with trust.

This has everything to do with realizing and deciding that you are worth something. That you are worth listening to. That you are worth taking a little time to relax. And don’t give me that, "well if I decide I’m worth taking a little time, or I decide I’m worth having my needs met, I’ll become selfish." That’s where self control comes in, obviously. But you have to let yourself be taken care of. Otherwise God can’t really take care of you can He. Either He’s slaving over your life for you, or you are. You can’t have it both ways. 

You can’t live worthless. 

If you have needs… You have to let yourself be loved. There is no way around it. Otherwise you’ll be standing in a room full of closed doors because you don’t think you’re worth it for someone to hold the door open for you while you get all your stuff through. You’ll sit in that warm room with your coat on because you don’t see yourself as worth it for someone to take your coat for you. And then you'll walk out into the cold, thinking that's where He's sending you because you have your coat still. 

If you don’t believe you are worth the world, if you don’t believe your ideas are worth listening to, and if you don’t believe your questions are worth answering… There is nothing that can be done for you. 

If you aren't letting yourself be loved, then who could love you?

It has to be an agreement for something to get done. You have to agree with Him.

Do you think you can do that? I mean, you seem to think working three jobs is easy enough to take on a fourth right? If you can run the entire world... Surely you can let something go because you’re worth the time. 

Right?

~Silver